Beyond the Breaking Point: Unpacking Mom Rage, Touched Out, and Overstimulation
You've likely heard of them, perhaps even experienced them firsthand. And when they show up, they feel sudden and sometimes new. Mom rage, touched out, and overstimulation aren't just trendy terms circulating on social media; they're powerful signals from your body, screaming one thing: overwhelm. They're your system's way of protecting itself, signaling that it doesn't feel safe, that it's simply too much, and that crucial needs are unmet.
We're all familiar with the classic fight, flight, and freeze responses. When we apply this lens to the unique pressures of motherhood, we can see mom rage as a form of advocacy (fight), feeling touched out as a desperate need for escape (flight), and overstimulation as a complete shutdown (freeze). These reactions are not bad; they are not signs of failure; they are urgent messages from your body.
So, what’s a modern mom to do? We exist in a society that, let's be honest, often leaves mothers and women critically undersupported, undervalued, and overlooked. While we may not be able to eliminate these overwhelming moments entirely, we can build protective strategies. The cornerstone? Consistent, yet flexible, self-regulation. Because let's face it, especially with children, what your body and nervous system truly need isn't just a temporary exit, but the ability to move through the difficulty. It's about adapting and finding what works.
Here are some ideas to weave into your daily life:
Rest: This isn't just about sleep. It's about slowing down, doing less, embracing moments of doing nothing, taking genuine timeouts, and even napping when you can.
Breathe: Intentionally connect with your breath. Feel the air move in and out of your body. This simple act can profoundly shift your state.
Move: Whether it’s a brisk walk, singing loudly in the car, dancing in the kitchen, or a dedicated exercise session, movement helps release pent-up energy and stress.
Ask for Support: Share the load. Articulate your needs. Lean on friends, outsource tasks when possible, and actively seek out community, groups, or professional help. You are not meant to do this alone.
Take Space: Proactively plan for breaks. Step outside, even for just a few minutes. Carve out moments of solitude to regroup.
And here’s the crucial part: if these experiences do happen – if you yell, or can't bear another touch, or struggle to calm – it doesn’t make you a bad mom, partner, or person. It’s simply information. Information from your body telling you that you're having a hard time.
The starting points for caring for yourself through these challenges are consistency and flexibility. To that, I’d add curiosity. Get curious about what your needs truly are, how you can realistically meet them, when you can meet them, and who or what can support you in the process. This curiosity isn't just self-exploration; it creates space for repair – with yourself and with others. It builds awareness that your needs are valid and deserving of being met, and offers the perspective that you are actively working on it, one step at a time.
For those eager to dive deeper, here are some resources I highly recommend:
Podcasts:
We Can Do Hard Things (with Brené Brown on Stress & Overwhelm)
Unlocking Us (with Amelia & Emily Nagoski on Burnout/ Rest)
Books:
Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown
Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA
Feeling Overwhelmed? Therapy Can Help You Find Your Footing.
If you’re a mom wrestling with the relentless grip of overwhelm, feeling touched out, or constantly on the brink of mom rage, know this - in this space, all these feelings are welcome.
Therapy provides a safe space to really dive into what's going on with you, explore the root causes of your overwhelm, and rebuild your sense of self beyond your role as a mother. We can work together to identify unmet needs, set healthy boundaries, and cultivate the strategies that will help you feel more in tune with your needs and regulated. It's about equipping you with the tools and insights to manage the chaos, find your calm, and rediscover your joy in motherhood.
And for those moments when you need a breakthrough now? Consider an intensive. Therapy intensives offer a concentrated, accelerated path to healing and growth. Instead of weekly sessions, intensives allow for deeper, more focused work over a shorter period, helping you rapidly gain clarity, implement new strategies, and experience significant shifts in your emotional well-being. If you're ready to move beyond the breaking point and build a more supported, sustainable life as a mom, learn more here.