Your "Good Enough" is Gold: How to Quiet the Inner Critic and Feel Confident in Motherhood
You feel it, don't you? That persistent, sinking feeling that you’re just not doing enough. That no matter how hard you try, you’re somehow failing as a mom. This feeling has a name: mom guilt.
But let's be clear about what guilt actually is. Guilt is the feeling you get when you’ve done something wrong or bad. It's tied to an action. The problem with "mom guilt" is that we often feel it not because we've done something wrong, but because we believe we are wrong. The guilt shifts from "I did a bad thing" to "I am a bad mom." This belief cycles us into a desperate attempt to do more—to not take a break, to never leave, to prove that we are "good." This is the guilt activating your inner critic.
The inner critic whispers that you're not showing up enough, that your efforts are falling short. As it gets louder, it pushes you because it wants to make sure that you don’t see or feel the painful feelings of shame and worry. It’s covering those feelings up with self-judgment and strong suggestions to be better. The inner critic's intention is to help you feel like a good mom, to protect you from the hurt of feeling "bad.” It may not be kind in its efforts, but it’s working hard to make sure you feel like you're doing enough, being enough. But unintentionally, it’s taking away your peace and your space.
And the hard part here, especially for the inner critic, is that feelings are a natural part of life. They aren't inherently good or bad; they just are. We are taught that feelings like love and joy are positive, while being mad and sad and ashamed are negative. Since these "negative" feelings don't feel good to feel, it’s likely at some point, your inner critic jumped in and said, "We don’t like that—let's never feel that again." So it began using control and judgment to cover up those feelings.
The path forward is to sit with these parts in a way that honors their protective intention. We don't have to dismiss the critic, but you can learn to notice the cycle and check in with it. We can see the inner critic and its hard work, really acknowledge its intention—to understand that it wants to help us feel good and avoid that pain—and we can build trust in our ability to be with the pain and shame and hurt. When we do this, the feelings eventually pass. By being with your fears and worries, instead of doing to avoid them, you create space to make choices that feel aligned with who you are, not just what the guilt tells you you should be.
Defining Your "Good Enough" with a Therapist's Insight
So, how do you start? By defining what "good enough" truly means. It’s about returning to the basics and a foundation of compassion.
Your "good enough" is gold because it starts with a simple, core checklist. It's not just about the child; it's about you, too.
For the child, "good enough" means:
The child is fed.
The child is clean.
The child has slept some.
The child has been offered comfort.
You are available.
Let’s unpack this a little. We often associate a job well done with the outcome of a task, with something that has been done and completed—and for a child, that's usually when we see a calm child, a child who isn't crying. But the reality is that offering comfort isn't about achieving a specific outcome. It’s less about whether the crying stops and more about what you have done to show up. It’s about the effort, the gentle presence, and the intention behind your actions.
Similarly, we're told we need to be fully present and attuned at all times. This is an impossible expectation. Availability is about having the capacity to show up when needed, to check in, and to be present with your child as needed, as opposed to constantly being "on." You can't pour from an empty cup, and your availability depends on you having the space to be present when it counts.
And for "good enough," we need to make sure to include you. You are important. This means:
You have eaten today.
You have had water.
You have had rest.
Your hygiene needs are met.
You have had connection.
When I say you have had connection, it's because it's not just a foundational need for your child; it is for you, too. This doesn’t have to mean a big social outing. It could be a simple, meaningful conversation with your partner, a quick check-in with a friend, or even just a text exchange that makes you feel seen. That moment of true connection is vital for you to feel human.
Your "good enough" is gold because it's a place of authenticity and acceptance — that you matter too. It means releasing the pressure to be perfect and giving yourself the grace to simply be, trusting that your love and efforts are more than enough.
How Therapy Can Help
If you're ready to let go of the guilt and embrace a more authentic, peaceful motherhood, therapy can help. We can work together to unpack the cycle of the inner critic, understand its intentions, and help you find a new way to feel confident and connected in your journey as a mom.
Contact me today to schedule a consultation and begin your journey toward self-compassion.